back !

:-) I'm back !... in the steaming heat of Malaysia! waaa.... after 2 days of non-stop airport-ing.. kee.. its nice to be home and get settled in a bit... It seems that some things have changed yet some still remain the same. Home seems the same... just older..but cleaner.. keke.. curtesy of the Indonesian maid we now have. She is pretty useful around the house. My siblings... still as computer obsessed as ever... but they are growing up to be huge! My younger brother is almost as tall as me and my sister is practically my height... and bigger really.. i think i'm moving down the scale... :p

Oh well.. am currently trying to connect to my mIRC server with no real luck! Argh... there goes my anime download... btw.. i have gotten back to watching jap anime since when i was stuck in Kuching airport for 5 hours straight... i just watched like 8 episodes out of sheer boredom.. so now i'm back in the groove.. keke..

Just hoping for cooler days and restful times... i get sleepy at 9++pm... bleh

Things change...

Yay exams over!! I had my practice OSCE yesterday and thats the end it!! keke... Lately i've been doing random stuff that i dun think i would normally do...

For example.. i actually went to class dinner! keke.... on Wednesday! its a pretty big feat for me since i haven't been to a single med event ever.. :-p... n that was just random...

plus... i actually let myself be face-painted! pretty shocking..... eh.. gave my flatmate such a big fright when i got back keke... oh the joy.. :-p

oh well.. i'll just be a lazy bum now...... bye bye...

...

Today was a pretty eventful day! First off ... had my practice exam in the afternoon.... was a bit of a waste of study since it was pretty much unexpected stuff and it didn't really matter anyway... keke...

And then celebrated my flatmates belated 23rd b-day! keke... went out to get a cake n out for dinner.... It was pretty random since we managed to get through entire dinner without actually once wishing her happy birthday... n then we went to St Clair.. n after some guilty apologies for 'forgetting'(well pretending that we forgot) we had dessert at a cafe..


The most bizarre thing was that on the way back to the car... my other flatmate who was taking photos.. got a bit left behind n in the rush to catch up with us... her phone slipped out of her pocket and fell into the sea!!!!!!!! (coz we were walking beside the beach and there was a railing with quite a steep drop to where the water level was) oh boy did she freak out.... she actually went down there in the dark ... at high tide to look for the phone.... it was pretty scary.. all dark n we were a bit worried that she would get swept away as she was almost bathed in sea water....
eek....


she didn't manage to find the phone though sadly :-(

We did get home and managed to surprise the birthday girl with cake .. keke.. although it was one costly evening ... for some of us...

And i have to say its the wackiest thing that has ever happened... really... u never think that something like this would really happen in real life would u? not to mention its Halloween today... (plays scary music... )

keke, scary sylvia... >>

Psych?!

Bah!...... depression is making me depressed... Btw.. m in Invercargill now doing Psychiatry mind you .. and trying to finish this case write up about depression and anxiety and its just annoying me. I just can't get the last bit right and its bugging me... erghhhhhhh...... too many stressors...

Yeah.. so what better way to vent then to make all sorts of stupid complaints on my good ol blog :p.. keke... i hate organic mood disorders...

ok nvm...

thats just my annoyed rambling..

bye bye

back to work...

Shadows

Fade in,
Fade out,
Look over,
Look under,
Look through,
What do you see?

Look but not see,
Just shadows,
Insignificant,
Invisible,
Lonely,

Shadows in the dark.

Passion and eternity...

My poor abandoned blog - only comes into use when i'm in a reflective mood. Lately , i have just realised that i have three main passions in life - food, computers and medicine. And to cover it all is God!

I love making food to eat hehe... enjoying recipes.. mmm... baking cakes in particular as of late. And the computer aspect well lots of stuff that u can do with computer, i particularly like graphic design despite my lack of talent at that field :p i like to think that i am more innovative to make for the lack of pure creative instinct. And then there is medicine, that which takes up most of my daylight hours literally, since i start at 7.30am/8am and get back at 5pm/late and by then the sun has set. I enjoy what i do and study is sometimes interesting but i reckon i lack perseverance in that area since after a whole day of medical stuff, who feels like studying it some more? after all there are more things to do with my time - namely stress-free time wasting sort of things :-p which are more enjoyable ...

And then, recently there has been Outreach! Its all getting so exciting and I can feel more in touch with God, somehow i believe this is the way to go. Because we all have our passions and work and stuff we do but at the end of it What is the Point? People are more important than just material things, work and all that stuff. In the end, we should be more worried about eternity! As we believe that eternity is in the hearts of men... so then should we make our effort to make sure that everyone has a chance to hear about God. And in a really practical way, this is where it all falls into place. I believe it will build us up as much as we want to bring others to Christ.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." - Ecclesiastes 3:11

Kayakking...

Ahh.. holidays are so sweet... have been doing heaps of stuff so far... 3 potlucks, made wontons, dumplings.. hehe lots of cake making :p... sleepover at Josh's place.. n getting acquainted with Cranium.. hmmm... really fun n challenging game! I really hate the singing and acting though... i'm completely hopeless at it...

And the big highlight recently was going kayakking yesterday! Lots of pics in Gallery 3 usual pass:abc It was great fun! Went to like Portobello with like 3 of my med frenz n we kayakked around quarantine island... took us like 1-2 hours i think we were so slow.. :p... n i was soo sore... like not even 1/3 of the way already sore arms and we had lots of breaks in between, not to mention a wet bum n lots of sea salt!

Cakes!!!

Just coz i feel like eating now... these are some of the cakes i've made this year hehe

Chocolate mud, banana choc chip n sponge. :-p

 

"I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect." -Oscar Wilde

"Untitled"

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

- Simple plan

Aren't i cruel?

Say there is a story o a begger who would always come to you for food. And for some time perhaps you would feed him and try to care for him since he's being a begger n all that But then.... this starts to happen more n more.. n then you feel that the begger isn't really a begger anymore.... he's not without funds, he's just someone who is to lazy to look for food.....or hasn't quite planned things out properly... n then.. i feel annoyed. Its like a fly hovering around my shoulder just waiting for that offer of free food n then.... i just snap n stubbornly refuse. I don't feel like it... its inconvenient... why should i ? you can do it urself... selfish thoughts plundernig my mind. Maybe if its something i have convenient excess off or something easy.....

so there goes my kind and caring heart obviously its a situational thing..... when i don't feel like it... i can be really cruel.

Happy weekend...

Ahh... this weekend is the break between my acute med run n my cardiology run... feels so good to be able to rest :p So what have i been doing? hehe.. i think my main achievement perhaps was baking... n eating ... hehe .... i made pumpkin pie, 2 banana choc chip cakes and a choc mud cake.. :-p... n also went out for dinner on Sat evening at Jitsu.... mmmm ... yaki udon... ....

hehe..... obviously not too productive on the study side :p



This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.

You said, 'No, we will flee on horses.'
Therefore you will flee!
You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses.'
Therefore your pursuers will be swift!

- Isaiah 30:15-16

A break for the weary...

Friday, what a wonderful day. In many ways it signifies an end... a break.... to the week of 5 busy days.. n also this friday is the end of my Acute medicine run! Yay... it was hectic it was fun... but i was just too tired... i think my sleep deficits accumulated ... making it more tiring, the further on i got... i'm glad i managed to pass my oral exma today.. although the entire run thing is still to be said....

There's many things i would wish i could do better... but i do what i can with what i have at the time... i'm not 200% person.. more like a 99% +/- 0.1 kinda person... trying to cut it close to what i need to do but not doing much extra... i suppose that kinda counts as lazy?.. hehe :P

Reflections... i feel that sleep has been neglected, i also need more quality time with God. Hoping for some nice rest and maybe more rest the next run? or maybe better time management... after all we tend to blame the system for things that may well be our own doing....

Wash your mouth....

We had a great G12 meeting on Saturday night, one that refreshed our sprit and brought us back on track. During which, we decided to cut out the use of 'swear words'.... a good and noble cause i would agree. However, we came to this difficulty of differentiating what is considered a swear word and what is not. And to be honest, most of us aren't actually big 'swear-ers' in the first place... i already have really bad connotations with most of the more vulgar and profane aspects of the language.

But then, there is the in between, semi benign words... like 'oh my goodness', 'gosh?', 'crap', 'oh man', 'shoot'... those kinda stuff... n i suppose at first glance... u might say... what? is that even swearing? n i would agree.... it does not sound like swearing... although we argued that they acts as the substitute for bad words and that is whats important.... again reasonable, to a certain extent.... although it just doesn't sit too well with me. From a personal perspective, a lot of these words don't quite impinge on my conscience... hence the ease of saying them... n the other being the context as sometimes u may just use like "oh my goodness thats huge".... or like "shoot, i dropped my pencil!" Since if they are 'replacements' shouldn't they be used in a negative way since most of the original words had bad intentions anyway?

A quick search brings up the definition of profanity:
1. treating with abuse, irreverance, contempt ie desecrate
2. debasing by a wrong, unworthy, vulgar use

other related words to my idea of bad language - offensive, crude, immorality

A verse i found useful was :

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
- Ephesians 4:29

"But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.'"
- Matthew 13:35

These suggest, that we should watch our mouths. Foul language reflects the condition of our heart. Bad language can dishonour God and other people. A conversation riddled with cursing, crude expressions, profanity would ruin any clean and noble ideas. Judgemental statements can hurt peoples' feelings and break down their self esteem. An article from the Daily Bread (dec 7 2002), likens it to noise pollution, which can crowd out God's voice in our life. It creates a corrupt and unholy environment which is not conducive to clean and Godly living. And hence, we should not use bad language.

I may go on and on... without ever deciding the issue.... however, i think to me... it is more of an issue of intention then an issue of words. Unwholesome words reflect an unclean mind. To stay away from words that can create an ungodly environment and mindset. Whatever does not help me with my walk to God, which keeps me from hearing his voice and doing his will... that is what we should stay away from. For some people perhaps this may mean different things, the focus though is always on God. Our aim, to have a conversation "full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer to everyone." Colossians 4:6 That being my debate, the trueness of my claims... perhaps only God can answer. Thus, Lord i pray grant me a conscience, to guide me along Your will.

"Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD;
keep watch over the door of my lips."
- Psalm 141:3

"The Lord says:
"These people come near to me with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me
is made up only of rules taught by men. "
- Isaiah 29:13

When i was tired and weary,

you picked me up,

when i felt that i would break,

you held me tight,

when i felt i could go now further,

you stopped to let me rest,

when i wanted to lay in the dust, give up the fight,

i thought of you,

and the sun came out,

and dried my tears,

all battered and bruised,

you took me back,

for without you, i am nought.

New pic update!

Hehe.. just thought i'd leave a short note to say that camp was great!!! n i've posted all the pics from easter camp, port chalmers trip and iris' b-day! Its in gallery 3 with the usual password:abc :-) Yes! I am back.... hopefully more frequently :p

Resting

Today is a day off for me.... coz its Otago anniversary day! hehe.... how nice.... i woke up this morning feeling much more peaceful than i have for a long time. I think the previous weeks have taken quite a lot out of me.

Eventhough i have never been a person who likes to tramp around n do sporty stuff.... i have always loved nature... like the apple tree outside my window, trees, grass, flowers.... simple beauty in their imperfections. They reflect a life and dynamic change that u cannot find in any other man made object... the wonder of God's creation!

I passed my geratrics run and also my communiction skills on thursday. It was like relieving a load of my chest. Just hope that the future runs will be easier to cope with. This whole hospital environment is just so alien yet interesting. I love meeting all the different patients and stuff.... coz especially in the elderly... they are wonderful people with heaps of life story. On the other hand, being on the ward is also like being on rough waters. Never sure what will happen, what ur supposed to do , where to go... a lost feeling sometimes and one of not belonging.

Ahh... the duality of many things...
but for now just some peace....

"The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever." - Isaiah 40:8

My poor poor blog...

Ah... my poor poor blog.. i think it is falling to shambes of disuse :p.. i haven't updated since last month and its now February! Whoa!! hehe.. well i've had a heap of trouble anyway.. since my computer as out of commision sometime in January and was at the repair shop and then.. i came back here and was stuck without internet for like a month or so.. so yeah.. pathetic service if you ask me!....

Church was good... it gives me time to reflect on things... i realise i have been awfully slack over the holidays. Nothing much to show for my what 2 months of blissful rest. I have been working hard out since beginning of Feb though since started classes for 3 weeks already. Its all quite a big leap and i'm not used to it.. n things just go over my head sometimes... It tires me out really.. have to give so much attention and effort... and yet not get much in return...my 150 % only gives a 75% return n going at 100% would give me even less... sigh...Woe to my inability .... but also thank God for being the all through out coz sometimes i just have to stop and ask him to give me the strength to do this coz its so much easier to lie back and do nothing.... the complications of life...

You reap what you sow.... hoping for what you did not sow is a lost cause. Gone are the days of cheerful play and minimal effort.

Updating my life

A new year has come already! Its 2006, and i can't imagine how fast the time has passed me by. I still have a lot of broken links to take care of. In the New Year, its customary to start off with New Year resolutions or some clean new sheet. And to be honest, i think this year is going to be very different and very challenging. I hope for many changes and yet realistically i'm striving to do none since i'm so slack and relaxed here at home.... :p

My recent joy has been writing and posting online. Yes i know i have mentioned it before, but my mood has taken a recent upward turn since i managed to get 36 reviews as of late! haha!! Not an astounding number but more than amazing for my amateurish work. *big smile & twirls around the room* I'm so glad for the review button.

Friends have left for studies it seem (ie. no more default driver) and its just me and Chute... and Ange is still hiding out in Mukah!!! Waaaaa.... Anyway i'm being annoying... I think i'm just not too pleased since i still have some issues with my student visa and not being able to spend Chinese New Year here since i start school on guess what the 2nd day of CNY !*cries* Why why....And so i've been out to eat and probably will still be eating with grandparents and friends and all hehe to drown out the blues in waves of fatty consolation... :p

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. ²Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

Colossians 3:1-3